What You Bring With You

What you come with is not something that people should have to learn to “deal with.”

What you bring every day is not your burden. It shouldn’t be a weight you put on others. Your “things” are worth more and are not problems.

Every relationship I’ve had, whether it was friendship or more than that, I’ve asked for things. I don’t mean I ask for material things, or I demand they do things for me.

But in my relationships, I’ve asked them to give me their time and attention, by the way I interact with them. I’ve asked for empathy at times, and laughter in others. I’ve asked for a hug or a shoulder to cry on, a back rub, silence, a fun night out, a relaxing night in. I’ve asked for kindness and respect by the way I treat others.

I’ve also given away things. I’ve given love and care and sincerity- risks. I’ve shown who I am and how I give these things. I strive to bring myself in its pure, natural form.

The things you come with, what you need and what you give, they are not pieces of yourself you should sacrifice. They are not things that you should be okay with not receiving, and accept that the people you ask to receive your things will never try.

I’ve learned this lesson, but I have only realized it recently.

In every close relationship I’ve held since I have entered my twenties, I’ve asked for someone to tell me they love me the way I am.

I’ve struggled with body image and the habits I’ve developed which come along with that.

I crave outdoor time and exercise.

I like going to bed early.

I demand personal time and adventures.

I have asked people to tell me who they are and who they want to become.

I’ve wondered what it takes to be a better person, and I’ve asked for help in getting there.

I used to be around people that would scoff at these needs of mine. They are personal and persist through all of me. I needed them, but I thought I was being too much. So I would hide parts of myself and settle on the idea that they were probably right, and I should fix myself to be, well, less.

But at this point in my life, these things are not something I care to pretend I don’t need anymore.

Trav surprised me last week with flowers and the sweetest card. In it, he wrote of all the things he appreciated in me, he noted all the things I was and did. He doted on my shortcomings as if they were admirable. He gushed about his pride and belief in me.

I show him more and more of the person I am, and he continues to say he loves me more.

I struggle in front of him, and he helps me learn to get through it. He knows it’s important for me to help myself. He also knows I can’t do it alone.

He dismisses the things I feel deficient in, and fills me with what I am really asking for from him.

I thought about in my past, how angry I would get when I would think how I was not enough, or too much, of something. How people didn’t know what to do with that, and therefore, I blamed myself.

I was around the wrong people. Because my “things” are not shameful. I just gave them to the wrong people and trusted them to know what to do.

The right people, and the person you know in yourself- these are the ones who won’t shame you for what you bring with you in life. Not calling it baggage. Not calling it ways you are a bad person.

What you bring with you, are what makes you unique. They are what will make you feel happy and purely yourself.

When Trav gave me that note, I read it six times in a row. And I looked at him, as if he gave me the gift to learn myself. He gave me the go-ahead to be who I am.

And he is rooting me on, pushing me when I need it, pulling me when he has to, stepping aside with pom-poms whenever he can.

We all need this. We need to stop blaming ourselves for being… just being you.

The things you bring with you in this life are accumulations of your journey. How dare someone blame the pieces they can’t understand.

They’re not insufficiencies, but opportunities to be brave and yourself. Celebrate your gifts and requests.

Your “things” are wonderful.

#love #building #happy #life #becoming #selflove #knowingyourself