Worthy

When I say a lot has changed, I am talking about everything: where I live, my priorities, my outlook on my life, my attitude toward myself, the activities I do, my relationships.

My relationships include the one with myself. So often we overlook how important we are to ourselves. Aren’t we really all we have?

Looking back to a year ago, I didn’t love the person I was, but I felt trapped into who I became, what I was doing. I think I was a good person, but my spark for my life was dull. I was stuck because everyone around me was stuck, too. After the great breakup blessing, people told me how much my life then, “wasn’t me.” (Thanks for the heads up, by the way!) I didn’t live for me, I gave and gave outwardly, only. The girl people knew to be stubborn, independent, strong-willed, playful and happy, just… wasn’t there all the time. I had no idea.

Isn’t that scary, that we can be people we don’t love, and never grow in tune to being any different?

So, we know I did change, but how? Well, I don’t know how. All I know is that I was removed from old friends, old criticisms, and selfish people. Forcefully asked to become something new. I started fresh and told myself day after day, “This is hard, but I can do hard things. I’m worth it.” Over and over again, "I am worth it."

I saw sunsets when I wanted to, cooked healthy meals, took naps (which I hadn’t done in years!), read, wrote, played daily, crafted, and talked to good friends again… I engaged in whatever I wanted back in my life. It’s hard to find what’s missing when someone tells you you’re unrealistic in wanting it.

In my life, I feel like I’ve worked incredibly hard at achieving self-love.

Accepting my flaws.

Using my voice.

Having a sense of humor again.

Feeling like I have value from just being me.

And I didn’t realize how much blame I was placing on myself for feeling the opposite, even when it was coming from an outside source, not myself.

When I want people to remember Sloane, I don't want to be "so-and-so's girlfriend/daughter/sister/friend." I want to be whoever I am, standing apart from anyone's shadow; strong, unwaivering. I want to know me and love me so strongly, that if (and when) someone comes along to persuade me that I'm not loveable, I can be sure to laugh and walk away.

That was my mistake, and shame on me for not seeing it more than once. But here I am, saying you, readers, are worth it. Pursue your worthiness relentlessly and become your best ally. Change is inevitable- make sure you like who you're becoming.

#becoming #life