"We Accept the Love We Think We Deserve"

When I read a book, I tend to find one I like, and then delve into everything else the author has written and devour every page. One of my favorite authors is Anna Quindlen, who writes a lot about families, relationships and home matters- they are typically all very real and relatable and touching issues.

I’ve recently started a book by her called Still Life with Bread Crumbs. In short, it’s about a well to-do New York City photographer who had lived this life of luxury, but not happiness. With a divorce, and her money and fame dwindling, she moved to the middle of nowhere to start fresh.

It seems like a simple story, really: city girl moves to the country and doesn’t fit in. Nothing Earth-shattering. But for me, I’m finding it more interesting than maybe it should be.

For me, I broke it down into different phases of her (and my own) life, different mindsets, goals, reasons for living. Different people in her life, different support, more her time, less b.s.

I did this for myself. You can do it, too. Pick an event: Pre- and post- ___. What was your life like then, versus now?

When you simplify life, break it down, it’s really pretty interesting what you will find and see. It takes honesty, and I think being honest with yourself is kind of hard sometimes; because we all want this ideal image of ourselves. If we don’t fit the mold, we should be ashamed of ourselves. If we did something we aren’t particularly proud of, if our actions and choices don’t fit our values to a T, who are we then?

But we can learn so much from ourselves when we’re honest. A couple of months ago I had these certain friends, this routine, these priorities… I acted a certain way because that was the scheme I was placed in, that was what I knew at the time, what I believed I wanted.

Fast forward, life happens, things change. Now I don’t have those “friends,” and my routine and priorities have flipped and jumbled around. You find out the truth, not only about the people you surround yourself with, but also how much you will take; the b.s. you might put up with. “You accept the love you think you deserve.” Not happy? You’ll find out soon enough that either you don’t respect yourself, or you deserve better.

Don’t people always tell you that “things happen for a reason” and “time will heal” and you want to absolutely punch those people right in the face… But in that time of utter confusion and heartbreak and lowness, you’ll learn. You’ll learn about yourself, your priorities, your future.

Someone told me recently that I have changed. Well, I hope so; I am choosing to because I no longer want to put up with another person dictating my life. And this person said it, not in the positive way in which my dad had said it before; but it was almost a “what happened to you?” Um, life. I am a believer that we are allowed to (and supposed to!) change. If not, what are we learning, and why aren’t we growing?

#life