“Write hard and clear about what hurts.” (Hemingway)

Hello out there!

Due to unplanned circumstances, I will not be blogging about being a groupie girlfriend. Because I am no longer either of those words. Please note the changes around here.

I won’t go into (many) details. Not because I’m sad or embarrassed, but more that his friends and family relay messages and then I get a call about it, and then get a set of rules thrown at me.

There’s that quote,

“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories; if people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should've behaved better.”

Anyway! If I had to write the stages of a breakup, I am pretty sure I could label them for you based on the day. However, I’m at a point where I’m thankful it happened. Young girls, listen up: don’t stay with someone who cannot put you first or treat you like you’re the best thing on Earth.

My dad told me the other day that it was good to see a pep in my step. That this quiet confidence and happiness is the girl he remembers growing up and how he imagined I’d be as a young woman. If someone can point out to you that you have the same energy you had as a younger person, you have given yourself something pure that no one can take from you, if you don’t let them.

For so long, I put another first. But I’m not ashamed, this is what I do. This is who I am, a giver, a doer, a listener, a “carer.” I learned that I can love and trust a lot. I did things for him that I wouldn’t do for myself. I put him above me because I believed he would do the same.

Another thing I learned: you can’t always put your hope in a person. Maybe a little, but save some for the things you love, and yourself. Because those are the things that stay- you’ll always have yourself to rely on. Other people? It’s an unfortunate truth that we live in a world where people are selfish. Relationships can even say “Me first. Then you too.” I thought that was only when you’re in an airplane and you need an oxygen mask…

I mean, being selfish is good. I need to survive too. But when I signed up for a relationship, I said his happiness is mine. But because I said “no” to me more often than not, I believe I had lost a little of myself. But now I get to start 2015 saying “yes.” I’ve met people that want to know me and care for me, and have fun with me doing things I want to do too. They like me and want to see me happy. This is how I know I'll be okay.

I’m so very excited for this new year. Not that “new year, new me” crap. Except, sort of very much that.

This year I’m a single gal, set out to find what she wants. I’ve always been independent and determined- to do what I want, see new things, have new adventures in life.

As for the blog- you’ll see that I write personally sometimes, superficially other times. About trips and experiences. Family and friends. In short, I will write what makes me feel.

I hope you’ll stick around to read more!

#life