Off-Season Begins

So... Hi!

I know it's been quite a while for me here, but if you couldn't figure it out, guess what? Season is over and we're home!

Mike's last game was Sept. 1, and the plan was to drive home together after that. Buttttt his coaches had a chat with him afterward and sent him up to play with the High-A team, who was going to playoffs. Good news for his baseball, bad news for the little boy that wanted to go home. I drove home anyway that day.

Since then, we're living the life of leisure. He moved in with some of his buddies and I, well, moved home. We've had a great time with friends, playing pick-up sports, watching sports, making fun of each other, picking up where we left off... it's great.

Wherever he is, and whatever he is doing, the boy knows how to make money. I'm not sure if I am allowed to say how, in fear it is illegal and somehow, someone, somewhere finds out and I get him in trouble. Just know that he barely has to leave his apartment to make money.

As for me, I've had a really difficult time adjusting to life here. I have had a hard time getting a job, and have felt really down on myself. However, I've also had to make some difficult decisions regarding my own self.

I always, always consider Mike in all of my decisions. I feel like if I don't compromise and be flexible, we won't see each other because he can't/won't. He doesn't make his schedule. But, I've always put him and us #1, before myself. Which, I guess is good- compromise and sacrifice is good in a relationship. But, because I put us above everything else, and have neglected my own goals (or, at least put them on the temporary back burner), I find myself almost holding it against Mike. For my decisions? For us? It's really not that healthy in my opinion.

I hated when he was in Lowell for 3 months the year he got drafted. It was terrible- we were in opposite ends of the country. This is a huge reason why I wanted to go with him to Greenville. But... in Greenville, it was still difficult because he was on the road half the time, and when he was home, he really just didn't want to do much. Which I sometimes took personally. My relationship with Mike has often been based on all the fun we have together, whatever we are doing. We are best when we are together, as most couples can attest.

I was working a job I didn't like and felt like I wasn't doing anything worthwhile, I didn't know anyone, didn't really see Mike much... I thought I was putting Mike first, but really, what I was doing was setting myself up to make Mike the center of everything, and almost blaming him for my unhappiness.

I did, in fact, have a lot of fun, but I am also a very happy person, who struggled with this all season. Now, I really think I can make this situation different in the future. I see how it is, what it's like, what's best for us, what doesn't work...

However, I have just committed to become a club volleyball coach. The season goes until June or July. (Season starts in April) I almost turned it down because I felt like I had to be there with MIke. Yes, that's ideal to us both. But am I going to spend all off-season being miserable and not doing something I want to do because it's not convenient for Mike?

He is the one that convinced me to take the job. He wants me to be happy, regardless of where he is or what he's doing. "We'll be fine," he has said numerous times. And we'll see that being together is better than being apart.

So, folks, that's our plan... I will finish out what I have to do and then re-join him in July, wherever he is. Until then, we're going to enjoy the heck out of this off-season!!!

#home