The Simple Things

My last post brought a multitude of reactions to light- from other people, and myself reflecting on my own words. I had people ask if I was okay; that they cried themselves; that they were sorry I was so sad; that they could relate in their own jobs, or realized their partner might feel the way I do… that’s good though, if I could be the start of a conversation someone may not have otherwise had, but needed.

A lot of it sounded “bad.” It sounds like a lonely life, that Michael neglects me, forgets about me, chooses me last. It sounds like I’m chasing an ideal version of a guy. That he was good for me, until something better came for him. I know it sounds like this…

And truth be told, I do get lonely; I do sometimes feel like I’m the last priority; we met in college when we had nothing, after all. He gets frustrated that it’s the same thing I get upset about, and he can’t do anything about it, and nothing is able to change as long as he plays baseball. But everytime I feel like this, it changes. I talk to him about it, he helps me through it. He lets me know that he’s sorry, but reminds me that he doesn’t get a say in his schedule. It sometimes feels harsh, but it is all so true. Neither of us want to be unhappy, and we always come back to remembering and cherishing how happy we are together when we keep things simple.

But I also need to say, there are a lot of positives in my experience:

• I live with Mike. If I hadn’t moved with him, I wouldn’t see him nearly as much as I do now. Like, maybe once each month, if I was lucky. I’m fortunate to be so close to him, even if I see him for an hour.

• I’ve learned a lot about him, and us as a couple. What we both need more or less of emotionally; what his favorite foods and snacks are; how we thrive; how we react to stress…

• I get to live in a new part of the country and by mountains.

• I’ve learned to get by on the necessities and watch where I spend and where I can save. I’ve never been a materialistic girl. I don’t need “things” to make me happy. But I’ve also never had to pay so many bills on my own, so I’ve kept a better eye on my money so I don’t have to over-work every week.

• I’m appreciating where I’m from. With the weeks leading up to the move, people have tirelessly asked me where I’m going. When I say Florida, 98% of the time I hear, “Aww, lucky!” Yeah, I am.

• I’m out on my own, where I like to be. I am happiest when I am independent. Yes I love mom and dad. I like when people do things for me. But I also feel like I’m a burden when they do help me, even if I need it. I like to take pride in taking care of myself- maybe because of all those years I couldn’t…

• I get to go to baseball games on summer nights. See fireworks occasionally. Drink a beer (occasionally?). Invite new friends and family.

• I get to hold Mike’s hand as we fall asleep (cheese…)

• I really have no responsibilities… I have bills (who doesn’t?), but no kids, no stressful job, nothing to hold me back from leaving our home or staying in our assigned city. I’m actually really free. What am I so worried about?

And let me tell you about today. Today was the best.

Mike had the day off… sort of. He and his teammates were required to do some volunteering at a local hospital and he asked me to go to a movie after because he knew he was doing some serious Fantasy Football work with his buddies.

I texted him saying I was running at the park across the street and I found a tennis ball if he would play with me. We love to play and I never get to anymore because of the situation and Mike not really having time off. He rolled down his window and said, “Let’s go get a better ball.” So, as the children we are, we went to WalMart- nothing good there.

We went to Academy Sports and found this terrific Frisbee (which has the world record at 1,333 ft, or something outrageous). After a long detour so Mike could get a new phone, we found ourselves in a park at a field all by ourselves to throw and run and get grassy. “You gotta lay out for that one!” he would shout at me if I barely missed. “Aw, what a connection!” I’d say if I threw a good one and he caught it. We went on like this for almost an hour.

My original intention at the park was to run a few sprints. Boy, oh boy, did I accomplish that with the Frisbee- in a much more fun way!

My point here is that we have a lot of fun when we just focus on enjoying each other, enjoy being here and be able to have time like this for each other.

So when I re-read my last post, I still feel like a lot of that really just is the lifestyle- it’s just kind of how it is. It’s nothing Michael is doing to leave me alone for a week and just never talk to me… it’s just that he can’t be 200% present every day. And this is on me- it’s something I have to remember that this is what I signed up for. And really, I have it pretty great and I’m happiest when I keep things simple.

#greenville #adultstuff #outside